there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
