i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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