and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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