You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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