it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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