told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
