found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
