I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
