Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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