Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
