And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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