Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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