Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
