Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
