She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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