you have to choose: penises or morals?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
