surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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