Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
