2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I need moral support for this bender
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
