GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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