drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
