You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
