So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
