Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
