ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
