I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
