Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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