Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
