Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
