Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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