we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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