I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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