I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize