The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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