I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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