True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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