My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
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