My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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