i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
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