Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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