my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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