Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize