A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
