Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
