For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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