hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Randomize
