I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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