i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
