I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just pee around me
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
