He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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