Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
