he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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