Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize