fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Congratulations! We have a period
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