Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
