fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
