seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
