Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
