I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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