I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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