he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
