Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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