If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you win again, gameday.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize