I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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