i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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