Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
